Back to reality

Do you ever get the feeling your being watched? I seem to have developed a Truman Show complex which makes me doubt everything, i think this tunnel made me blind but I'm now I'm coming out the other side. It's so hard to be the real you when you don't know what reality is.

This is the first day of my life

I'm sorry I let you all down, i know I have stuff to sort out and I think my priorities may have finally been aligned in the right ways, you guys mean everything to me and although second chances are something I wouldn't advise I have faith that you guys are good enough people to maybe let me have that. If you do I promise to never let you down again, especially M & K, I have never deserved you guys and I have never said 'I love you" enough times to justify how much I really do. To you I never stopped loving you and although I'm a long way off Prince Charming I can only hope to scrape the barrel of what you deserve, I will work everyday for it. To my friends, you guys mean everything to me and I don't want to lose you, I forgot just how much you've done for me in the midst of all this and you guys are the only people in the world I've felt I'd forgive anything to be around, I hope you can feel the same about me. I took for granted that you'd always be there and I promise to get help to sort this whole thing out, this is my problem and although I'd love if you could help, I really don't know if I'd want to in your shoes. Today I am born again and from now I live my life to clean my soul. I don't want to end up lying on the floor by my portrait with narcissm rather than blood dripping from my wounds. I am sorry, I love you all.


Straight Edge For Summer.


'Call it a boy kicked out at the world, the world kicked back a lot fucking harder now.'

A penis

The dictionary states that 'Happiness results from the possession or attainment of what one considers good.' Whether this is true or not to most people I could never be sure but I have a hard time believing it. Happiness is not a label you can put on someone and tell them they feel it, it comes from within yourself and in the bleakest moments and most depressing times happiness can still shine through, in Baghdad behind the destruction and mindless violence a child can smile and their small token of happiness can shine as hope for the future. When you feel it not a single thing compares, because where excitement and lust fall short, happiness can last for eternity. Thats if you let it of course. It would be astonishingly ambitious to assume that you could be happy all your life, but that's not what it's about, it wouldn't be there if it weren't for the bad times because it would be no different to every other day. It is about not taking it for granted and realising that the world isn't all that bad. It is opening your eyes and seeing that happiness peeks from behind every corner. Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind sounds oh so appealing but to me to take away the sad memories is to also erase the happy. Bereavement or a broken heart the worst of all emotions could never be there without the happiness which proceeded them. The world wants to tell you all the bad news and forget the good, you just have to remember that happiness is only a stones throw away. My happiness is incoherent and inexperienced but nothing is ever as straight forward as we'd like it to be.

Dance Wiv Me?

consequences cloud our judgement from day one and we will shut our eyes and hide from what the public thinks. Sometimes I do things as just a big fuck you to those people who judge and other times I just make sure I enjoy it. Because how can it be a mistake if you enjoy making it? many people lose their lives trying to conform to a society so wound up in other people no-one is looking at themselves, for me society is not what the papers say, it is those people i surround myself with and whose opinions I genuinely take into consideration. I think binge drinking and drugs are much less of a problem than education and I think that life is for living and experiences are just marks on the passport of life, ones which you cant take back. I'm collecting stamps and just waiting for the world to join me.