mirror, mirror on the wall

The complexeties of everyday life have their own special ways of creating a wound and applying the salt. With me it is never self loathing, it is just feeling as if, this is the ride I'll be on forever and couldn't I have picked another cart. I never chose to look like this, everything else is under my control, my attitude, personality my many nights spent intoxicated. But this is what I was given and most of the time I feel as though I drew the short straw, one day I want to look in the mirror and feel okay about the way I look but life isn't designed like that and my mind wont allow it. I constantly seek the approval of other people and this just seems to multiply my angst, someone please reassure me because these walls are unstable and I'm trying to climb out. I'd love to think that anyone really cared but you can never be sure, my heart still beats faster when I think of you, I'd love to think anyone even read this but I'm not that naive. Maybe one day what I say will matter.